I Want to Start A Challenge for July

So, with my new place and the fact that I need to balance out my money more carefully, I decided to freeze my personal trainer membership at the gym. I still have the regular club membership since I know I’ll want to hit the gym on days where I need a controlled environment.

I follow Anna and I’m inspired by her Juneathon posts and all that she’s done during this time. July is my birthday month and I want to do something fun throughout it. Do any of you know of any fun month fitness challenges? It can be things at the gym, outdoors, at home, anything really. I have access to a pool, a local high school (i’ve been thinking about running the bleachers lately), so I’m really up for anything.

 

Something New

I am about to embark on a new experience and it’s scaring the wits out of me. Today I am to pick up the keys to my first apartment in which I will be living in alone. One of my greatest fears in life is ending up alone, with no one to talk to, no one to fall asleep with, and just miserable. When I have too much time in my hands and these thoughts cloud my mind I retract and want to disappear. I realize then, as I am now, that this is where I fall off my tracks and wean on some weight. This weight gain leads to feelings of futility and self-loathing that I become a weight-loss martyr. My thoughts become so negative that I refute anyone who tries to tell me different and the only thing that seems to bring me back to my senses is reading about fitness, weight-loss, people’s before and after stories, other weight-loss/health journys, and some who have stood to defy the societal pressures of thinness and be happy about being fat.

I’ve envisaged my lack of crediting myself on how far I’ve come, but the fact that I want more and know that my body can do more prohibits me from accepting my hard work thus far. So, when I read blogs, articles, or watch videos on the subjects I mentioned above I get reinvigorated. I begin to believe in myself again and set myself a new goal. I mentally plan out a routine and include activities in which I believe will make me more of an athlete rather than just a workout bot. I envision myself doing laps in the gym pool, or riding miles and miles on my bike, or getting back on the running train, or having a strict boxing regimen. I see myself following workout routines but only as preparation for the run, the swim, the cycling- but something holds me. I don’t know what it is. I set a date: “I’ll start this coming Monday.” But then I ask myself why Monday? Why not today? I DON’T KNOW WHY NOT TODAY!!! And just like that I’m back at square one. I lose motivation, I lack willingness and I end up feeling like a loser.

If you are a friend that reads my blog you have entered a dark side of my being. Sometimes I have questioned my judgement in sharing this blog with you because the purpose of it was to be positive and share the good and the joy of my journey. However, in previous posts I’ve already shared my honesty in how doubtful I am of myself and how self-conscious I am about my body, so maybe this one comes as no surprise. In thinking about it, it’s not a bad thing. I guess it’s good to show how human I am, how some part of me is like everyone else- I struggle. I am not perfect. I mean c’mon, just last week I wrote about coming back with a bang. In retrospect, I think I needed to get a lot of frustration out that I was internalizing and a lot of stress about my move and financial difficulties and that’s why I did so great.

Today I have a meeting with my trainer. I don’t know how it’s gonna go. I don’t want to be whinny and I have to keep telling myself that I can do this. I can start my new attitude on any day of the week- Tuesday it is.

I’m Back With A Bang

I got back from my Miami/Madrid vacation on May 3oth and the experience has changed my life. This was not the first time I traveled to another state or to another country overseas, but it was the most significant; I’m going to consider this a milestone in my life.

To see some pictures click here.

Both cities were amazing and the purpose of travel were different and the same all in one- to have fun, party, celebrate, and explore a new culture. Needless to say, but I’ll say it, I wanted to stay longer. I wanted to immerse myself in every aspect of Madrid life; it even got me thinking about studying abroad. And one more piece of good news that came from this trip: it made me start looking for my own place and if all goes well I’ll be owning my first apartment keys on June 27th. The experience was liberating and it made me think about all the things I’m afraid of and question them. I don’t want to be afraid anymore and I want to live up to all the little inspirational quotes I have around my office- a constant reminder that I should not be complacent and to always seek adventures that will make me wiser and grow as a person.

Here is my favorite one:

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

This will be my experience and mine alone and people that would like to join me are more than welcomed. I’ve been afraid for too long to go on my own and it’s about time I do. I’m expecting a  bumpy ride considering the changes I’ll have to endure and also bearing in mind that life likes to throw curve-balls because it isn’t fair.

Because this is a fitness blog (and I didn’t think this post would be including a long intro on my travels and life realizations) I wanted to let you guys know how I’m doing in the fitness realm. This week especially I felt and received the best feedback from my trainer. He thought I would be lacking on stamina after my vacation and that he’d work his way up again, but I proved to him that he can pick up right from where I left off. Plus, my birthday is coming up and I told him I want to strive to be feeling my best. With that in mind I’m going hard. SIDE BAR: I maintained my weight all through my vacation and it wasn’t even something I was thinking about. I have to thank the cities for being so pedestrian and the girls (my travel pack) for being so active.

Tuesdays are our boxing/mma days and after the workout he told me, “This is where I wanted you. I expected you to want to break but you didn’t and I’m proud.” Mondays and Thursdays he alternates between full body and weight lifting, but with this spurt of progress and his belief that I will remain consistent at this pace for a while until he ups the ante again, we’re doing full-body on Mondays and Thursdays with boxing/mma on Tuesdays.

Until next time,

LosingMonica