10lbs down and feeling great

This time around my journey to better health and body feels effortless. I feel as determined as when I first embarked on my health many years ago. My boyfriend has given me tough love and I returned some tough attitude. I think that argument… no. Not argument. I think that conversation and honesty from him was an eye opener. I admit I opened my eyes very slowly because I needed to feel right about it.

Part of the accountability I am placing on myself is posting my weight on my bathroom mirror. The number on the scale is a small motivator. I am also keeping track of my food intake and getting back to reading nutrition labels and watching the amount of sugar I consume. I’m on Fitbit so if you want to add me I think you can now find people by username, right? I think it’s weird it populates by phone contacts, Facebook and email only… Really, Fitbit? 

I like sharing my progress and my stats because why not? I get flack from the bf. He tells me I do it for attention and that it’s unnecessary. But you know what? Share it, Baby. Be proud of your progress. Be proud of what you’re doing. We have cyber voices and I want to speak, dammit.

12 Days 6lbs

To kick start this new journey I decided to really give intermittent fasting a good go. I had done light online research a while ago and had dabbled in some fasting in the past. This time I’m being more mindful and conscientious about the approach. I’m increasing my water intake which helps with the fasting.

My experience so far these past 2 weeks…

With the amount of water I’m taking in I can already see a little more improvement in my energy. I guess having to get up and pee really gets the flood flowing. A bit of background… I drink coffees and tea but I wasn’t drinking pure water and now that I am I’m not doing a lot of tea or coffee drinking lately. I love coffee tho and you know that there is #neverabadtimeforcoffee. I still get my coffee fix but H2O is my good friend now. It may be too soon to even say it but I’ve seen a clearer tone on my face and in my hands. My daily goal right now is 108oz per day. I average out about 90oz. 

I’ve done 24hr fasting and 18hr fasting days. I am also keeping it low carb to get my ketones going and my metabolism smooooth sailing. I’m not ruling out anything specific although I’m really trying to keep off the breazy; me love me bread! I have kept my sugar intake really low- shockingly I’ve been able to say no to sweets and have been able to walk away from the office donuts my​ boss brings in every now and then. 

I’m feeling really proud of myself. Firstly because the last time I got going I quit fairly easily without a fight. Secondly for the confidence and dedication I feel this time. Nothing feels like a burden or a struggle or even a sacrifice. I feel like I did all those years ago when I’ve had enough of my own bullshit. I have that feeling we get that gives us even more strength and drive to be where we know we can be.

Cheers to accountability. Cheers to good feelings. Cheers to a healthy body goal.

Enjoy this view of Diamond Lake from last year’s summer 😍

I’m Fat Again

I was able to maintain an average weight of 185lbs for a few years. I joined a weight-loss challenge and I was able to finally reach the 170lb range. I was the happiest person in the world. But, I’m fat again. I can feel it in my skin, the way I look, the way I feel, the way I look at the people around me.

These last 9 months have really shaped me to who I am today… a round ugly shape. I am by way of always being a self-sabotaging person. I don’t go around moping or being this sad pathetic individual… but I do that at home and internally as I stare at the body I have created. The worst is when I see pictures of myself from when I was looking all fly n’ shit. Like damn, I loved myself for real. And that’s what gets me – I should be loving myself always. I do and then I don’t. I fucken hate myself sometimes. I’ll be back… I’m going to do a split before and now.

Wow.. this is taking longer than I thought. After a certain time I don’t have that many selfies…

So I was never SKINNY but I felt good. I can buy close from any store, I felt confident in my skin and the way I carried myself. Maybe this stems from some fucked up psychological thing. Like, who hurt me? What made me so afraid of being fat. And I mean, when I was going through the process of losing weight I was doing it healthily- I was going to the gym, doing HITT workouts, I was eating right, I was outside running and playing sports and being all around active. I don’t know what made me so complacent that I chose other rather than myself. I’m not stupid.

I’m even getting upset looking for a picture to post here of how I looked and of how I look now. It makes me sad, because now I have to work twice as hard to just to get where I used to be.

I’m 216lbs even as of this morning and I am 5’7” … here’s to another journey.

-M