What is it About the Weekends

Can someone explain to me why the weekends are always a set back for me? I realize that the best person to answer that question is me because I’m sure others will undermine my hardest efforts and say that I am either weak, not ready, or just not committed.

I have been shown the door. Now I must walk through it.

I have all the tools I need but I only seem to be taking advantage of them during the week. The weekend rolls along, however, and it’s like I am a different person. Sometimes I experience little hiccups during some weeks and I get so angry with myself. It’s anger, frustration, feeling defeated, hypocritical, and worst of all feeling as if my work has gone to shit. In a way it has because it’s setting me back; it’s me stepping forward five steps and retracting two almost every weekend. I want to keep going forward.

Sitting here writing about is allowing me the time to really think about it and compare the days during the week to the days at the end of week. I have a routine. I don’t like routines, but it’s part of life (don’t deter me here with anything else- I’m helping myself, here). Every day, Monday thru Friday I wake up and go to work. Some days I have enough time to get my gym back ready and I walk to the gym after work. Then I head home and do whatever else needs to get done. Other days I go straight home, hang around for the sun to go down a bit then go for a run, or a bike ride. I feel alright. I have softball games on Tuesdays and Fridays so on those days I get my workout done much earlier.

Throughout this time I am eating well. For the past two weeks I have prepped all my meals for the week and I have to say I love the feeling of not having to worry about making lunch, having to buy lunch, or having to eat a frozen microwavable meal. Two weeks ago I said I was not going to have any soda or bread and I did great for the first week. I went to a baby shower this past Saturday and I couldn’t say no to the cupcakes, the bread with the meal, and the soda. This has happened to me at least five times within the last five months (I see the trend too… stop it). I see that I have no will power. I had it in the beginning of it all so I don’t know why I can’t do it again. Maybe it’s not about eliminating but moderating. It’s just I know how bad soda is and I can’t say no to it. And bread?? Well, I really don’t know why I say I don’t want to eat bread. OK, maybe it’s because once I have a piece I can’t stop.

I believe the reason I have such a hard time moderating is because … I don’t know. Am I just glut? Is it just embedded in who I am? And I always have this annoying consciousness of my intake and how long it will take me to burn it off during exercise.

How can I roll the discipline I have 90% of the time during the week to the 55% discipline I have during the weekend? And in addition, lower the incidents that happen every so often during the week to eventually not having any?

 

Check out my instagram for some food pictures!! MonaDePorcelana and my twitter

Advertisements

My 25th Birthday

Celebrating my 25th with friends.

So, this weekend I turned 25 years old. For a hot minute I was not really looking forward to being 25 and every time I said it I added a fake whiny cry. It wasn’t after speaking with my friend, Evelyn (the one in blue) that it hit me that 25 is a great age. Maybe it’s the outlook she gave herself on this specific age or just her excitement on the fascination of being 25 years old, but regardless, it changed my perspective on it.

Last week I joined her and a friend for Happy Hour and with all the “25” talk I mentioned that I had read Jen’s post on being 26. It inspired me to make a list of my own. Her’s on things she looks forward to, but I want to do mine on things I want to do… 25 things to be exact.  There is no particular order, but I really can’t wait to get my list started. I haven’t had a sit down yet, but here are a few things that will for sure make my list: 1- complete a triathlon; 2- sky dive; and 3- run in just shorts and sports bra.

Now, on to the festivities of my birthday weekend. My actual birthday was Sunday but I celebrated it on Saturday. My sister gifted me the most beautiful and delicious cake. Here it is!

She brought it out exactly at midnight and it just made my night! For some reason this celebration was extra special. For the first time I felt no worries, no pressures, just lighthearted, free, and … young. I wish to feel this way every year. The people that care for me, that love me, and want the best for me where there (and then some). I had hoped to see a couple of specific faces, but in the end I didn’t want to spoil my night and decided not waste my energy on them.

I thought about what made me feel so happy and elated that day, which by the way I’m still feeling, and I believe it’s because I changed my outlook on age. I have found myself in what feels like borderline depression because I’ve yet to complete my bachelor’s degree, was still living in a rented room in what felt like still living at home, being single, losing focus on my weight-loss and fitness goals, and just dreading getting older and feeling like I’ve done nothing with my life. I know I will complete my degree program, I just have to be patient with life. I am on my own now and it feels great! I know things are not the greatest in my “love sphere” but I am managing better than I thought I would. I have regained most, if not all, my focus on my weight-loss and fitness journey because I remembered why I started. And I have to give myself more credit. I self-doubt, self-loath, and underestimate my abilities too often. I have to be proud of who I am, what I know, and what I do- after all, if I don’t, who will? And if someone tells me, I have to validate that with my own opinion of myself.

Too many people undervalue what they are, and overvalue what they’re not

Happy birthday to me! Happy 25th year to me! and Happy everything to me!

Doing Things My Way and At My Own Pace

I was talking to my coworkers about some of my latest blog posts and about how I feel I’ve lost a bit of my focus. OK, not a little, but a little more than a little. I mentioned to them how I didn’t even start my 100 Push Ups challenge, didn’t keep up with my plank a day, and didn’t stick entirely to the no soda or sweetened drinks plan. In this post I talk about how I shouldn’t wait for the start of the week, or the start of the month to start something new. But i didn’t take my own advice because I told them that coming Monday I will definitely start anew and truly commit. In fun, but also in all seriousness, my coworker told me that I should read my own blog. That verbal shove, or whatever you want to call it, was what I needed- it’s what I need every now and then.

I pulled out my phone, opened up my 100 Push Ups app and had them spot me do my initial push up test. I completed 11 good form push ups. I personally think that’s bad ass! With those results I was placed in level 3.

with my work badge and everything!

Here’s what I’ve done in two days. Week 1 almost complete!

I am also happy to announce that I cycled yesterday and it was such a liberating ride. It gave me time to think, even though I was focused on keeping a some-what steady pace. I thought about the awesome way I feel after I complete a workout. There really is nothing like it. I woke up in the morning and felt sluggish, but remembering that I have to follow my own advice, I got ready and grabbed my bike. I headed out and immediately felt a surge of happiness and contentedness. This reminded me of all the times I didn’t want to go to the gym, the times I wanted to cancel on my trainer, the times I didn’t want to go running, and in general just all the times I didn’t want to do something and then did. Willing my mind to do something it didn’t for whatever reason- fear of failure, laziness, or simply just not caring- is truly a rush.

Here are my stats through my endomondo app. 9.47 miles in 43m:48s

Avg Speed
13.0 mph
Max Speed
16.6 mph
Calories
616 kcal
Altitude
636 ft / 729 ft

 

Oh, and I didn’t want to make dinner last night, but I did.

It looks kinda gross, but it was really tasty.

I’m wishing the best of luck to myself in all I do.

xx

Monica

Commitment Issues

I didn’t commit to my July Challenge and sadly it didn’t surprise me. I am predictable even to myself. There is no excuse for me not to have stuck to it. Distractions or not, I should come first to myself and I’m taking the steps to do that. I can’t be available to everyone before I am available to myself. Now I have to say that out loud and mean it.

I almost feel as if I shouldn’t write what I am about to because I’ll feel guilty if I don’t do it. “It” is starting to ride my bike at least two times a week. Next year marks the 5th Anniversary of the Tour De Dreams which a really dear friend of mine is part of the organizing committee for this year and I would love to join her for the ride next August. The tour’s goal is to travel from UC Berkley to UCLA to raise funds for scholarships for undocumented students. It’s an amazing cause and raises awareness to many issues people tend to have a blind eye towards.

With that said, the application process is pretty intense. There are limited slots for riders and  being the 5th anniversary my daily mileage has to be “up there”. I was told that some of the more experienced riders are doing about 50mi a day. A DAY! I’ll start small and build up, but I believe it would be a great accomplishment and show great discipline if I do this- for the cause and for me.

Since my blogs haven’t had any pictures lately, enjoy this one of my niece sleeping:

Plank A Day July 2nd

Here I go. I found the PlankADay post and thought I’d do it for 1 month (July and a day since I’m starting on the 2nd).  I figure that I will do it when I remember but will always have a reminder on my phone in case I haven’t done it.

Plank A Day- day one: 01:00

^ I did it in my office 🙂

 

In addition I will not be drinking any carbonated drinks or juice cocktails or anything sweet and sugar filled. The only juices I will drink will be those I make myself- orange juice is awesome (a new found love for it). Some of my favorite fresh fruit juices are watermelon, cantaloupe, strawberry, lemon, and lemon and pineapple. Now, to make them myself is another story- I have to get to peeling and squeezing.

The reason  is because I have totally neglected my water intake; I am feeling it. I stopped drinking soda for a little over a year and it was a great feeling. Then one day I said, I’ll just have a sip and another day I said I’ll have a cup… and there I was drinking and drinking soda. I didn’t feel guilty for it or questioned drinking it, but I noticed how I started preferring it. My body feels the difference and it’s dehydrated. To treat my self and my body I will pay more attention to it.

And before I forget, I have had the 100 push ups app on my phone for quite a while and reading Anna’s blog posts reminded me I should use it, so I’m doing that too. Just thinking about it i feel a little pain- the good kind.

100 Push Ups- day one:

 

I Want to Start A Challenge for July

So, with my new place and the fact that I need to balance out my money more carefully, I decided to freeze my personal trainer membership at the gym. I still have the regular club membership since I know I’ll want to hit the gym on days where I need a controlled environment.

I follow Anna and I’m inspired by her Juneathon posts and all that she’s done during this time. July is my birthday month and I want to do something fun throughout it. Do any of you know of any fun month fitness challenges? It can be things at the gym, outdoors, at home, anything really. I have access to a pool, a local high school (i’ve been thinking about running the bleachers lately), so I’m really up for anything.

 

Something New

I am about to embark on a new experience and it’s scaring the wits out of me. Today I am to pick up the keys to my first apartment in which I will be living in alone. One of my greatest fears in life is ending up alone, with no one to talk to, no one to fall asleep with, and just miserable. When I have too much time in my hands and these thoughts cloud my mind I retract and want to disappear. I realize then, as I am now, that this is where I fall off my tracks and wean on some weight. This weight gain leads to feelings of futility and self-loathing that I become a weight-loss martyr. My thoughts become so negative that I refute anyone who tries to tell me different and the only thing that seems to bring me back to my senses is reading about fitness, weight-loss, people’s before and after stories, other weight-loss/health journys, and some who have stood to defy the societal pressures of thinness and be happy about being fat.

I’ve envisaged my lack of crediting myself on how far I’ve come, but the fact that I want more and know that my body can do more prohibits me from accepting my hard work thus far. So, when I read blogs, articles, or watch videos on the subjects I mentioned above I get reinvigorated. I begin to believe in myself again and set myself a new goal. I mentally plan out a routine and include activities in which I believe will make me more of an athlete rather than just a workout bot. I envision myself doing laps in the gym pool, or riding miles and miles on my bike, or getting back on the running train, or having a strict boxing regimen. I see myself following workout routines but only as preparation for the run, the swim, the cycling- but something holds me. I don’t know what it is. I set a date: “I’ll start this coming Monday.” But then I ask myself why Monday? Why not today? I DON’T KNOW WHY NOT TODAY!!! And just like that I’m back at square one. I lose motivation, I lack willingness and I end up feeling like a loser.

If you are a friend that reads my blog you have entered a dark side of my being. Sometimes I have questioned my judgement in sharing this blog with you because the purpose of it was to be positive and share the good and the joy of my journey. However, in previous posts I’ve already shared my honesty in how doubtful I am of myself and how self-conscious I am about my body, so maybe this one comes as no surprise. In thinking about it, it’s not a bad thing. I guess it’s good to show how human I am, how some part of me is like everyone else- I struggle. I am not perfect. I mean c’mon, just last week I wrote about coming back with a bang. In retrospect, I think I needed to get a lot of frustration out that I was internalizing and a lot of stress about my move and financial difficulties and that’s why I did so great.

Today I have a meeting with my trainer. I don’t know how it’s gonna go. I don’t want to be whinny and I have to keep telling myself that I can do this. I can start my new attitude on any day of the week- Tuesday it is.