I’m Fat Again

I was able to maintain an average weight of 185lbs for a few years. I joined a weight-loss challenge and I was able to finally reach the 170lb range. I was the happiest person in the world. But, I’m fat again. I can feel it in my skin, the way I look, the way I feel, the way I look at the people around me.

These last 9 months have really shaped me to who I am today… a round ugly shape. I am by way of always being a self-sabotaging person. I don’t go around moping or being this sad pathetic individual… but I do that at home and internally as I stare at the body I have created. The worst is when I see pictures of myself from when I was looking all fly n’ shit. Like damn, I loved myself for real. And that’s what gets me – I should be loving myself always. I do and then I don’t. I fucken hate myself sometimes. I’ll be back… I’m going to do a split before and now.

Wow.. this is taking longer than I thought. After a certain time I don’t have that many selfies…

So I was never SKINNY but I felt good. I can buy close from any store, I felt confident in my skin and the way I carried myself. Maybe this stems from some fucked up psychological thing. Like, who hurt me? What made me so afraid of being fat. And I mean, when I was going through the process of losing weight I was doing it healthily- I was going to the gym, doing HITT workouts, I was eating right, I was outside running and playing sports and being all around active. I don’t know what made me so complacent that I chose other rather than myself. I’m not stupid.

I’m even getting upset looking for a picture to post here of how I looked and of how I look now. It makes me sad, because now I have to work twice as hard to just to get where I used to be.

I’m 216lbs even as of this morning and I am 5’7” … here’s to another journey.

-M

Hollywood Half Marathon

Hi everyone! I recently ran the Inaugural Hollywood Half Marathon and it was such a great experience. I didn’t start on time (not surprising), but I finished. My time was 2:18:25.2 (my clock time was 2:56 something <- that’s to give you an idea how late I started) – I’m so proud. Can you believe I ran a Marathon before a half? With that said I wasn’t nervous at all and was able to kill the hill.

I took a few pictures along the way of a group of Elvis’, a man running with a watermelon on his head, a lady hula-hooping her way to a world record, a genie, a man as a Marylin Monroe, and Jackie Moon among others. I am definitely going to be running many more Hollywood Half Marathons- I have to, look at the medal!

I feel special and honored to be a part of this inaugural event.

Me after the race taking a self-portrait!

The red carpet! I felt properly dressed and like a STAR!

This was my first race in which I dressed up. The dress I wore was supposed to be my prom dress but because it was made horribly I never wore it. I cut it (waaay) above my knees and thought I looked awesome in it.

I’m running the Nike sponsored SheRunsLA (80’s themed) next Saturday (April 14th) and I’m looking forward to dressing up as well! I’m really on this running bug, aren’t I? Here are some photos of my and my friend’s son who joined me on the race (he was with me, so he was late too :0 ).

PS:

I think I’ve only made it on time for 2 races out of the 5 or 6 I’ve registered for (i say registered and not participated in because I woke up late to the Halloween Rock N’ Roll Half Marathon last year and didn’t make it). EEK!

PSS:

I really need new running shoes. Any suggestions?