I’m not done with the book but it has impacted me enough to want to write about it. I’m about half way through and I’ve had to pause so many times in between the chapters so soak it all in. You see it’s directed at people who are trying to master the challenges in different aspects of their lives and it’s hitting home for me.
The way Deida has depicted the feminine in women, as well as in men, makes complete sense. His explanation of the masculine and feminine polarity in intimacy fits into my vision of how men and women should work in a relationship. Every person has a feminine and a masculine side and there should be a balance. Maybe the woman has the dominant masculine side and the man the feminine side as predominant. That is not a bad thing as long as those elements are defined and both parties are aware. When this is not the case trust in one another is lost and that’s when the couple begins a downward spiral. These roles are not finite, they are always changing, like cycles. But there is always a balance between the man and woman and their masculine and feminine aspects.
I understand that many couples reach this realization after many years and some perhaps never will. Reading Deida will make you reach it sooner. Deida says that if you’ve tried your best at trying to make it work with a person and things are just not jiving then you should let go. That, however, is my greatest fear. Letting go feels like I’ve given up, but i know deep down inside my heart that this feeling is wrong. I’m currently in the process of transferring to another state within my organization and I’m glad to say that this is a move toward mastering my work challenges. I haven’t been satisfied with my job for a long time and I’ve finally decided to change that. However hard it is for me to move away from my family and the people that I so dearly love i know that it’s the right thing for me; there are no more excuses.
Deida speaks of finding what you like to do, what you LOVE to do, and to work on it for at least an hour a day. And if while you’re working at it you come to find out it’s not what you thought, you’ve at least penetrated a layer into reaching the core of who you are- which is the ultimate goal in knowing what your gift to the world is. He also explains how man should live at the edge of his fear (something I feel I’m doing with this career move) and that we should all learn to accept that things will never be “done”. This gift that he speaks of is love. Once you have found your core- who you really are- is when you can give love freely and without fear. Reading about fear, letting go, finding your gifts, giving yourself, etc. etc. forces me to reflect on the person I am and who I am with.
My future holds him, sees him, is him. But since I can’t predict the future he might as well not be. The love I’m in is difficult for many reasons and reading Deida shed a light on the reasons of why things might be as they are. I don’t want to analyze him or assume and speak for someone because it’s not fair to him or to me, but I can make my own judgement and work to better myself in the life that is mine. I would love to be one with him because I feel in my deepest depths that we can, but if that’s not the case then he’s another layer peeled from my being in efforts to reach my core. If my honesty and my giving of my gift without fear is not being accepted fully then moving on is not necessarily a wrong/bad decision.
Writing this pains me. My heart hurts and my eyes are filling with tears of sadness. The masculine in me is being rational and making decisions. The feminine in me, the ocean that is my woman, is tormenting. My feminine energy is overflowing with emotions of pride, of guilt, of fear of the unknown, and of excitement for what’s ahead. I guess Deida is putting into words my feelings and has allowed me to define them in real terms. What I am afraid to speak or say he is writing with clarity and without fear.
to be continued…