The Weighing Process

When I got serious about losing the weight I weighed myself fearing the worst: that the number will only make me feel even more horrible and I won’t want to do it anymore. The numbers stopped flashing and there was my reality; I was at 237.8lbs.

I weighed myself every two weeks at the same time- early in the morning and only after I had gone to the bathroom. I wish I would have written it down because I only kept mental notes and those are long gone and lost. I had hit a plateau around 190lbs. I was frustrated that I stayed between 195-191lbs. I worked out and ran and NOTHING. When it came to weighing myself again, I didn’t want to look at the scale. SURPISE! I was 189lbs. I jumped, I screamed, and I think I almost cried if I didn’t really shed some tears of joy. I was beyond belief that I broke 190lbs.

Here I am again, at a different plateau. I can’t break from the 180lbs. I did once, briefly. I hit 177lbs. But I was sick and was going through some things that I don’t really count it because before I knew it, I was back at 181lbs. I’m going hard now, but I am also doing weight and endurance training. So, although I am noticing toning I am yet to see it on the scale. I know it’ll show there, but it’s amazing the way my body feels with lean muscle.

My Breasts

Losing weight has opened new doors for me. Although I am happy about that, there is still a part of me that feels insecure. I fear that I will never be completely happy in my own skin. I don’t know exactly why but when I think about it I believe this insecurity stems from being unhappy about different parts of my body. I remember one time being with my one of my sisters in our early teens talking about our boobs. She was pointing out how she wore a bigger bra size than me or needed a bigger bra and I was arguing with her that it wasn’t true- that mine were bigger. Needless to say, I’ve always felt uncomfortable being smaller-breasted than my sisters. It’s fairly obvious and sometimes family doesn’t fail to remind me of it, but being who I am I play it off and pretend being okay with it. I’m truly not OK with it that for a long time I contemplated getting some fake ones; I even told my sisters about it. I don’t believe I will since I’m paranoid about needles and any pain associated with voluntary decisions. My friends tell me that I am fine the way I look and that I shouldn’t let that bother me, but it does. I try clothes on and I swear I would look better if I can fill the top part. It’s frustrating not being happy with what I see in the mirror. I think that maybe if I am thinner my small breasts won’t be as prominent and will go better with my smaller body. Here is to hoping.

The Best Time to Start is Now

I was encouraged by my coworker to start a weightloss blog since I’ve had such great success this past year. It didn’t take much to convince me since I enjoy sharing my weightloss struggles and victories; especially to people who seem to believe I did it overnight using a magical fat-burning pill.

Here is my backstory. I graduated high school in 2005 and throughout those four years, more or less, I was always the heaviest of my friends. I was very self-conscious about how I looked and envied my thinner friends. The craziest thing, though, is that I look at pictures of me back then and I can only wish I looked the same as then. Long story short my heaviest was at 240lbs. Wow! I don’t think I have ever written that out before. I am currently 5 foot 7 inches and weighing 181lbs. I fell off a bit from the weight-losing grid with school and finals and the holidays, but I’ve recently kicked it into high gear again and got myself a personal trainer at the gym and looking forward to the new changes I will be going through.

Below is a bunch of pictures that chronicle my journey thus far.

^ me on my birthday. July 2007. not bad, eh?

^ that’s me in December 2008. I may have a smile on my face, but i was not happy at all.

October 2009

 ^buncha girls celebrating my sisters 21st birthday. look at that arm.

July 2010

^ that’s me celebrating my 22nd birthday. looking mighty _____.

August 2010

^ My friend since middle school. she hasn’t changed, but boy have I?

October 2010

^ I don’t know what to say about this picuture.

December 2010

 ^ I started my weightloss journey in November 2010 and by Christmas I think I had lost about 10-15lbs. Let me tell you WHY I started… My best friend from high school was getting married in May 2011 and she called me to get my address so that she can mail my invitation. I knew this is what I needed because I didn’t want to travel looking like I was and i being with other high school friends who still look amazing, I wouldn’t be able to deal with myself. I hit the gym hard- 5 to 6 times a week. I started walking, then jogging a bit, to straight running for 30 + min non-stop. I was on a roll. I was a soccer player for three years in high school so I knew what it meant to push to get results.

January 2011

^I was so happy this day. a lot of people saw some change, something I wasn’t really seeing in my reflection. I remember feeling so happy about those jeans. I hadn’t bought a pair since, gosh, a long time ago. those were a size 16. can you imagine!? I am currently a size 11/12. YEY ME!

 

February 2011

^but, as you can see, I was still a long way from my goal.

April 2011

^ I remember this day like yesterday. I was getting so many compliments. I believe I had lost about 20-25lbs. can you tell?

May 2011

 ^I was my baby sister’s sponsor for her confirmation. That’s us with our mom.

May 2011

 ^ the wedding that started it all. I was 25-30lbs lighter. 🙂 these girls made the trip so much fun!

June 2011

^never in a million years would I have worn something like this to the beach. these people have been a major support in the work front. they encourage me through compliments and reminders of how far along I’ve come.

June 2011

 ^ I even did my first race with my sister. she pushed me good. look at me, I got 2nd place in my age group.

Halloween 2011

^I’m such a goddess 😉 a whole year later from my 80s Hip-Hop cosutme.

December 2011

^my oldest sister and me on Christmas Eve.. That’s me right now.. just 5 days ago. 60 lbs lighter and feeling good.

My journey has not been easy. I’ve had to balance work, school, the death of my grandpa in may, and the suicide of my cousin in september. I did the gym thing, I did p90x, I did rip60, I did 30min trainer, I ran, I hiked… I did everything. I stopped drinking soda, I cut off white breads, I left tortillas, mayonnaise, cheese, chips, dips, candy, chocolate (I had the occasional bar), whole milk ( I started drinking almond milk). I packed lunch to work, I did the lean cuisines, and fish dinners. It was not easy, but the benefits of these changes are amazingly worth it. I don’t like using the term diets because these changes are not temporary, they are meant to be permanent alterations to my lifestyle. I’ve done a 5k, a 10k, a mud run, and unfortunately missed my half marathon.

I am not going to school this upcoming spring semester 2012 so this is just another time to start anew with my goal. I want to reach 160lbs by summer… my 25th birthday. I can do it, I know I can. the trainer I have been working with this past week shows promise and has already called me a favorite. he knows that if he pushes me hard I can handle it and I can overcome. he even told me he thinks we can reach my goal by spring break if I keep up this pace. AMAZING!

follow me on this journey.